I am not my mother!
Don’t get me wrong. My mom is great…in fact, she’s one of the smartest people I know. But my mom is a button pusher. She nags, nudges, judges and pokes in an effort to elicit information and the behavioral changes (that of my children, my husband, and me) she wants. She is anti going out to dinner (she believes all food not cooked from scratch is unhealthy), anti going out to bars (she puts alcohol and Sweet and Lo…which she calls the “pink poison”…in the same category) and she is skeptical of any activities she deems frivolous, non-intelligent, or unhealthy (and she deems many activities as unhealthy.) Of course there’s a lot she’s in favor of..music, dancing, talk radio, MSNBC, but I digress.
I am nothing like that. So why do my children treat me like I am?
As someone who came of age in the sixties, I am pretty liberal in my views about life. I encourage my children to do the things that make them happy. I believe it’s important for them to enjoy themselves, have a social life, take trips, act like young people. I don’t judge. I offer suggestions with no attachment that they will take them (although sometimes they do, and that’s gratifying to a mother.)
But my children have blocked me on Facebook.
Well, perhaps not exactly blocked me…after several years of invisibility I have recently been granted the “privilege” of being allowed to see their partial profiles. Oh joy. I keep wondering what they don’t want me to see? I know them well enough to know that they are not posting anything scandalous. So what are they protecting themselves (or me) from? It’s quite puzzling.
I know they read my posts. (I’ve fully allowed them a view into my life. 😉 In fact, my daughter complained the other day that I was posting too many updates (I had just turned on my Twitter feed…something she didn’t recognize because she doesn’t Tweet.) But I have nothing to read on theirs. Come on kids…[Love you!] let me in.
So…if you’re reading this…and you’re one of their friends…since they won’t tell me, will you? What’s the big deal?
Or if you’ve done the same to your mom…your very cool mom…why?
I really want to know.
I found your article while googling “rethinking Facebook”. I was “unfriended” by my son recently on Facebook. It makes me very sad, and I am beginning to rethink Facebook. It seems to be too “real” and “too fake” at the same time, if that makes any sense. I share your pain!
Hi Dymphna! I think whether Facebook is real or fake depends on how you use it. While I can’t say i only have Facebook friends that I have met in person, I can say that I have a connection in some way to almost all of them. So I do care what they post, and I do have personal interactions with them.
I find Facebook allows me to know what my Hunter College High School friends (and that was a long long time ago) are up to, learn what colleagues I no longer work with are doing, and just generally enjoy seeing what current friends are doing that day. I like it.
The whole friending/unfriending by our kids is kind of funny…they want us to see them as adults, but this is a pretty childish act. After all, aren’t WE their ultimate friend?
Hello there ladies,
I found this by googling , ” I defriended my mom on facebook”. Let me get started.
I love my mom dearly. She is a fantastic person and probably knows me better than anyone else anyways. But, after friending my mom, I had this weird feeling, I mean like super weird. Even if your cool with your son’s and daughter’s friends posting something on facebook that is, well, lets just say, less then proper. We really do not want to hear you comment about it. (or any of your other comments in general)
And you know you will just to prove that your such a cool Mom, come on, you know you will. Thats embarrassing as hell. Sorry, but it really is. For example, my friend John Doe posts on my facebook how he had this wild night. Can you imagine how it would feel, to see your comment, “Wow, Johnny, you sure tied one on last night.. or something similar in stupidity… no your not stupid, your just mom…
There exists a Mom and Dad realm and a friends realm. You just have to accept your place. Sounds harsh I know, but, you got to deal with the truth. Why do you Moms want us to feel weirded out anyway? You only come across as nosey.
Now, make me and Johnny a PBJ sandwich and a glass of milk. Say something corny, so we can all laugh and feel normal. In-other-words, just be Mom, okay.
Love you Mom,
Bubba
You know Bubba…you make perfect sense!! Thank you for your comments. And while I don’t think it’s AS simple as parent vs friend (a parent can be a friend too), I do think that the facebook friend realm is one that can remain sacrosanct.
Can I make you a bowl of chicken soup? I don’t do PBJ. 😉
Donna
Hi there, as a daughter who sort of does this to her mother I will give you some insight. 🙂
The truth is that many mothers who think they are nothing like their own mothers actually are. And no matter what happens or how your relationships change, you will always be a lecturing tower of authority over your childrens’ heads. Even if you are liberal, generations are always changing and becoming more liberal. I know my mom thinks she is, but she still has 60’s values, no matter what (and those are different than modern ones). The problem here is that your children love you, but they just don’t want to be friends with you. They see you as their mother, a parental figure.
I am 19 and I was reluctant to add my mom as a friend on Facebook, and now i have her blocked from my wall. Why? Because she was posting on all of my things, my pictures, and my friends’ walls, and embarrassing me. I even asked her to stop, she wouldn’t listen (as usual), so I blocked her from seeing anything personal.
Yes she is upset, she has sent me messages, but I will not budge. Why? Because I do not want my mom to know about my personal life. I need SPACE. Lots and lots of space. I don’t have anything scandalous on my Facebook, I just do not want my mom involved in my personal and social life. I do not want her intruding on my privacy any more than she already does. I do not want her knowing about all the interactions between my boyfriend and I, it is awkward to me if she knows.
I hope you have an idea of why they would do this to you, now. Just remember they still love you, they just need space!
I’ve deleted my mum on Facebook, and she got/gets so offended by it. The truth is that Facebook book is a social thing, just like a school, its feeled with all your friends, popular people and what not and mums, being mums, tend to post things they don’t intend to make embarrassing but come off embarrassing from a 14 year old point of view… i’m still trying tell my mum this, but she never listens to me 😦
Mom’s out there in face book land. Don’t fret about this, you’ll only go grayer. Go with the flow. No sense in begging, crying or anything else. Just remember that someday it will probably happen to them. What ever they are putting us through will only be repeated and if you do it to them and they want to know why, just tell them that it’s there turn to learn the same lesson that they want you to accept. Works both ways. Be nice when you tell them. Privacy is one thing we all want. What good for the goose surely the gander will have to understand.